The Dolphin Project
by glomp-meister
Summary: Hyuuga Hiashi has a plan to get his fellow father-in-law hitched and he won't be deterred. Toss in Team 7 plus wives and Genma's betting ring and one Umino Iruka is in for a hell of a ride. Slight AU, set in the Boruto Universe. Hijinks ensue. T for swear words. No pairings as of YET (probably KakaIru or YamaIru or vice versa).
1. Chapter 1

I don't own anything from Naruto. I don't profit off of this either. This is a fanfiction for craps and giggles. Un-beta'd content and all this is first draft. I like to write in bulk and then after the finale of the story, rewrite. So for now, please bear with me or ignore this fanfic :) Everything is in slight AU btw, ages and timelines don't necessarily coincide with that of the actual Naruto/Boruto series. Enjoy! Chapter 1 From whence it came

Contrary to popular belief, Hyuuga Hiashi did not dislike the brown haired, tanned chunnin. No, he rather liked Iruka. Granted, they had their fights back in the day over Hanabi's early graduation and how strict he was being with Hinata back in the compound, but he respected the man. Hiashi had lost the former but won the latter battle. Umino Iruka was the village darling after all, and he only ever had tea with two houses in Konoha - Sarutobi and Hyuuga, so Tsume could go feed that to her mutts. It was even better now that they were family. Konohamaru, that stupid Sarutobi brat whose scarf he had found in Hanabi's room, didn't understand the nuances and traditions of the house with his inexperience, so Iruka only had tea with the Hyuugas now.

"Sorry I'm late. I had to tie Boruto to the ceiling. Can you believe it? He thought I was wearing a wig." Iruka slipped off his shoes and sat next to Hiashi, "I'm not that old am I?"

Hiashi chuckled. It seems that Step 1 of the Plan was already in motion. "No, Iruka, you're not, but you're getting there." He ignored the principal's indignant squawk and because he was Hyuuga and because he was the old one of the two, he got straight to the point, "I put in a mission request today."

"Oh?"

"To the elders."

Iruka's head spun to oogle his fellow father in law, "What?" then, with his palms pressed to his cheeks, "You didn't. I told you Hiashi! Is this why - Hanabi, that's why she stopped me in the foyer - Can you believe it?! - YOU!" the man jabbed a finger at the clan head, his face hot from anger and embarrassment.

"Oh?" mused Hiashi, "Hanabi strikes fast. It's one of the tenets of being a Hyuuga, Iruka-sensei."

"I taught her! She's younger than Naruto for god's sake. Are you blind, she likes Konohamaru."

"No Sarutobis."

Iruka swiped at the blank eyed man's head but he ducked and drained the rest of his tea in one gulp. The nerve of this man. Iruka had experience dealing with clan heads, dealt with them all his life. The Third was the first to realize that he was a good pick to send to the Heads. It had happened one sunny afternoon, much like all afternoons in Fire Country, Iruka, then barely a chunin was plucked off the streets by ANBU and deposited like a housewarming gift to the Naras. Shikaku and Yoshino were wonderful hosts, of course, as good as a host to surprise visitors as one could be. Iruka looked dumbly at them for several moments before Shikaku gestured to his vest. The ANBU had stuck a scroll in one of the pockets before he had disappeared. Iruka was mortified and handed the scroll to the Nara Head. The mission is to play shogi, Shikaku had said to Yoshino and she had pulled his ear and told him to get it himself. She also said she married a partner not a boss so if he wanted something done, he'd have to do it himself because she was too tired to run after him and Shikamaru. Iruka spent the afternoon being schooled in board game tactics that were too much like war for his liking and staring at his toes.

A week after that, he was kidnapped by the same ANBU (it was like he had a tail in his own village) to meet the Inuzukas. That was scary. Tsume and the rowdy bunch said he smelled domesticated and that sounded too much like code for _someone's bitch_ for Iruka's tastes. It was worse when Hana - sweet Hana who had her father's temperament and was always lovely back when they were classmates - pointed out at the dinner table that Kiba was marking him. The boy was rubbing his face and neck all over the newly appointed chuunin from appetizer to dessert. Iruka hung his head in defeat and asked for seconds. He figured he'd be coming here a lot in the future.

And so continued this trend until Iruka decided enough was enough and the Third still wouldn't tell him why he was sending him to have dinner and chat and fraternize with Konoha's most powerful houses. So far he had met the Nara, Inuzuka, Yamanaka, Aburame, and the Akimichis. At one point, after an exhausting day where Inoichi told him he'd like to teach Iruka the traditional art of flower arranging and where Iruka was too nice to say no, he was shafted with dethorning the roses for free, the ANBU had whisked him off to some small dirty apartment that smelled like dog with too many henohenomoheji's all over the damn place. And to make matters worse, he had met both The Might Gai and The Hatake Kakashi at the same time. They both wanted to see him drunk and Iruka hightailed it out of there because fuck jounin, those no-good bastards.

This was how Iruka found himself in front of the Hyuuga household, hand poised to knock. He was going to do this, he was! He just needed to steele his nerves first. He should have went to the Uchiha's first, but he couldn't figure out how to cover up the scar on his face with latex. Fugaku still held a grudge for painting the Konoha Police Force Building pink that one time. Okay twice, but they didn't have proof the second time. Finally he knocked. A small timid knock that no one would have heard but oh well, he tried. He turned to leave to smack his nose right into a brick. It felt like a brick but it was just The Hyuuga Hiashi. You know, _just_. He squeaked a greeting and the impassive man invited him in. He had been expecting him. At that point Iruka was done. Finito. All the previous meekness and fear left him and he was standing in the Hyuuga Courtyard screaming about fucking jounin and Clan leaders and cryptic old men being Hokages. He stopped to take a breath and Hiashi asked him if he was finished to which Iruka screamed NO. And then promptly tried to take it all back. It was a stressful month. Hiashi refused and told him to clean the courtyard to apologize. But at least the Hyuuga weren't cheap and Hiashi paid him.

It wasn't till several years later when he realized that he'd be teaching all these kids at the Academy. And it wasn't until much later that he realized being Hokage's assistant meant good relations with all the Clan Heads and the Third probably saw this all in this crystal ball and wanted to set Iruka on the right path. Still, he never got around to seeing the Uchihas with the massacare and all. So he made it a point to let Sasuke use his apartment's shared community garden to grow things because life's better alive.

Back to the matter at hand, even after years of experience dealing with the Hyuuga, Hiashi still continued to suprise him. Was he serious? Putting in a mission request for the continuation of the Umino Line?

Iruka tried to reason with him, "Look. We already have Naruto and now Boruto. Do you want another one of those? Those ramen chugging beasts?"

"No, I don't need more Narutos, though that would be good for the village security. I want more Uminos." Hiashi paused, then gestured wildly, well as wildly as a Hyuuga could. He turned his palm outwards, "The village needs more Uminos to raise more Narutos to make more Himawaris and Borutos and so on and so forth. Clearly." the last bit was tacked on as overcompensation.

Iruka huffed, "You're not making any sense. And why Hanabi? Are you insane?"

"I don't like that Sarutobi boy."

"He's essentially Naruto and you like Naruto."

"I didn't always like him." the clan head snipped at him.

"Oh well whatever. This isn't happening." Iruka put the tea cup back on the tray and stood up, hands on hips, wagging a finger at the older man's nose, "My life, my rules. No."

As Iruka stomped off his fellow Father-In-Law called after him, "You've got a week before The List is available to public!"


	2. Chapter 2

Hi guys! I've always liked to toy with the relationship between Sakura and Kakashi. Since Sakura's really the only one that stayed behind, I feel that their relationship would have matured the most out of Kakashi - other members of Team 7. Of course, this would be of a different nature to the Yamato-Kakashi relationship, but logically, it seems that Sakura and Kakashi would get along best (out of the other kids). As always, this is unbeta'd; I don't own any of the characters or any aspect of the Naruto and Boruto universe; this is just for fun. Enjoy!

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Chapter 2 Of prejudices within

Kakashi was a bit concerned. Normally, Hinata and Naruto entertained, their house was larger without all the awkwardness of having Sai as a host. Today, however, they were having a Team 7 dinner at Sasuke's and Sakura's minus one member.

"So," started Kakashi, "Tenzou couldn't make it?"

Naruto and Sakura nodded furiously in sync. Oh no, this was bad. Sasuke cleared his throat and said, "Orochimaru's a handful." the blonde and pinkette nodded again.

"But Yamato-taichou is off today." Sai said then added, "Are we bullying him again?"

Kakashi's eye glinted. Oh. Was that what they were doing? A secret Team 7 meeting to prank the wood-style user. Nice. Ino rapped the side of Sai's head and he made room for the food. As Hinata took her seat, Kakashi noticed that both women looked a bit miffed. He understood why. Both hosts were sitting not doing anything to help, no doubt the Yamanaka and Hyuuga would be offended.

"Thank you for the food." he said to the two and Ino scowled deeper. Hinata refused to meet his gaze. Okay. But he was a guest even if he did arrive 2 hours late. If they should be angry at anyone it should be Sakura and Sasuke! Especially Sasuke, he had been tapping his foot and causing the table to wobble the entire evening. Jumpy brat.

Naruto looked like he wanted to burst. He inhaled some food into his mouth and Hinata rubbed his back. He choked a little and Sasuke smirked. Finally, Sai had the right mind to give the man some water. He could have done it too, but it wasn't everyday when you saw your Hokage being an idiot. Well actually, with Naruto, it frequently happened, but the principle still stands.

"You!" Naruto jabbed his finger onto Kakashi's forehead protector, right over his scarred eye, "You've got to get onto The List!"

Kakashi stilled. The List? What was The List? What was so important about a list that it had to be capitalized?

"I've got to agree with Naruto on this one, Kakashi-sensei. You need to get on The List." Sakura said.

"He's already on The List. I filled him in this morning." then to turning to Kakashi, Sasuke said, "Don't screw this up. The List is going public in 5 days time."

"You two will be perfect together!" Naruto clasped his hands on Kakashi's shoulders and the rest of the original Team 7 nodded, "All you have to do is not fuck this up or I'll have to fuck you up!" he said and Sakura punched him. Hinata turned away. Hyuuga's are all about turning those pale blind eyes.

Suddenly, Sai stood up and slammed his hands on the table, "No! Absolutely not. He is not right." he jabbed his finger at Kakashi. Why was everyone so mean to him today? Geez. 2 hours was common time. They should have just invited him 2 hours early. But then, Kakashi supposed, he would have figured out the actual meeting time and still been late, being a genius and all that, you know? He swatted at Sai's offending digit. Hands off, belly-boy.

"What are you talking about? Kakashi-sensei's a prime candidate!" Sakura was standing now too, the diamond on her forehead glowing in warning.

"We're on Team Yamato!" Ino stood up.

From the corner of his eye, Kakashi saw Hinata's mouth twitch downwards. Naruto jumped up and started shouting something at them, probably something stupid, and Sasuke was nodding to whatever Sakura was saying with a couple trademarked Uchiha hm's in the process. Ino and Sakura looked like they were about to fight and Sai had a scroll and brush out to Choju Giga the damn place. And Kakashi still had no idea what was going on.

Then, Hinata screamed. And everything stopped.

"Sit down, all of you, SIT DOWN!" She slammed her palm on the table, the wood splintering. Taking a deep breath, she continued, "Don't you think that Dad deserves a choice? He should make his own decisions, it's bad enough that Father and Hanabi think this is a good idea, but all of you too?"

"And you!" she whirled to face the silver haired ninja, "Say something! This is Iruka-sensei's life, his future! It's not up for you to decide."

"Maa, so what is The List?" Kakashi said.

Sasuke sighed the sigh to end all sighs. He ran his palm down the length of his face before launching into the tedious explanation of Hyuuga Hiashi and his ingenious plan to hitch up 1 Umino Iruka, village darling extraordinaire. The Chunin was really something else, there were 2 drinks named after him spanning the Hidden Villages. Currently, there was an official list of suitors for Iruka sitting in the Hokage's office. It was semi-private now, only those who were in Iruka's inner circle could fill in their nominations. In 5 days, it would be open to public.

Kakashi didn't see the logic in this, since Iruka's inner circle was the entire village plus some dignitaries from Sand and Mist from when he visited to help them set up their Academy curriculum. No, Sakura reassured him, Iruka was a bit more picky than that. Only those who have ever been on his medical 'Emergency Contact' list could recommend suitors. But Kakashi knew Sasuke wasn't Iruka's contact and Ino told him that it worked vice versa, as long as Iruka was your contact, they'd take it. Kakashi then complained that that was the problem, Iruka's the contact for half the village and certainly almost 100% of all the orphans. And God knows that Konoha has an orphan problem.

Hinata was getting more and more exasperated with the situation. Were they serious? Naruto, okay, she could understand. She knew she married an idiot. A good-natured fool sure, but a fool nonetheless. But Sasuke? Sakura? Ino and Sai? They were meddling with Iruka-sensei's life and thought it no big deal to then spin off on a tangent like her precious father-in-law's future was coffee conversation.

Earlier in the week, Naruto told her he wanted to have a sibling even if he would be more like uncle than brother with the age gap. She reminded him that he was nominating Kakashi who had less than ideal plumbing for the job. Naruto suggested 2 ideas: 1 - Orochimaru or 2 - Kakashi could get pregnant. Hinata did not want to think about test tube babies or pregnant Copy Nins so instead of reminding her husband about adoption, she went to Shino's for some peace and quiet.

Sakura said that Iruka-sensei deserved love and that she and Sasuke just wanted to him to be happy. It was not apparent to Hinata that Iruka was currently unhappy with his situation. She knew what Sakura wanted. The sannin trained medic wanted Kakashi happy. What a round about way women had in disclosing their goals. Hinata couldn't figure out why was Sasuke going along with the scheme, because that's just what this was. A slimy scheme, paternalistic with too many hands in the pie. The man offered an anecdote about tomatoes and community gardens and a new jutsu that made the large Uchiha compound dust free. She didn't know if he was telling the truth or not, didn't even know if it was a coherent story or not. He had said it all in less than 3 sentences and ended it with a glare, but even without the byakugan, Hinata knew an olive branch when she saw it. Maybe Sakura was the only one looking out for Kakashi and maybe Sasuke cared about Iruka more than he let on, either way, their hearts were in the right place.

Ino was the complete opposite. She had the right intentions with a seedy underbelly. The Yamanakas loved Iruka, but so did everyone else. Ino wanted to monopolize the principal. Hinata wasn't making this up. The heiress told her point blank. I want him to live until he's Sandaime's age, to grow old and wise with someone who loves him as much as he's loved all of us. I do. But Iruka-sensei's one hell of a shinobi and Ino-Shika-Cho would do well to have someone like that. You Hyuga's have Naruto, so let us have a bit of contagious humanity for our clans. Shikamaru, who just happened to come over at the time, had called it troublesome but there was something about the way he watched the blonde's back that made Hinata wary. He was Konoha's tactician, after all.

Sai was honest. The man said that Iruka gave him emotion classes and he wouldn't have gotten married and had a family otherwise so he owed it to the teacher to give him what he got. Yamato was Inojin's godfather and Sai looked up to the wood-style nin despite his teasing. Hinata left when the ex-Root member started to show her his sketchbook labelled Matchmaker Sai. As she left, Hinata caught a glimpse of a drawing about cat and dogs with children who had fang-like tattooed cheeks. She hoped to see that soon and maybe Matchmaker Sai was the right moniker.

To say Kakashi was excited was an understatement. He hadn't felt this kind of good buzz since Kurenai set him and the chunin in question up for dinner but unfortunately, a mission had called it off. He didn't quite know how to ask the other man out. He'd stumble and stutter and it almost always left with Kakashi teleporting away. If his father ever found out that his boy was such a coward when it came to love… Kakashi didn't like thinking about it.

Iruka? His? He didn't dare dwell on it too long. Good things didn't happen to Kakashi unless he kept them a mile away and on the tallest shelf where his dirty hands couldn't get to them. He wanted to do this right, but there were obstacles. First Naruto, then that Hokage contract with the abuse of authority claims, and now Boruto. What a punk, thinking that his Iruka's lovely silk locks were a wig. Shame, that was his grandpa for god's sake.

Kakashi could just imagine it. Iruka's bronze skin coupled with his wonderfully warm eyes. Both of them in a log cabin nestled by the fireplace with their fingers curled together and sipping hot chocolate. Marital bliss.

A roar from Ino pulled Kakashi out of his reverie, "You see!" she said, "He was fantasizing! He's a total lecher, we can't let Iruka-sensei get with someone who leers like that. He deserves someone wonderful, who is strong and reliable-"

"Like the mighty oak that is Yamato-taichou." Sai said.

Kakashi pouted, but no one could tell because of the mask. His reputation of Village Pervert was undeserved.

"Kakashi-san continues to be one of our village's strongest ninja. He was Hokage before Naruto-kun's inauguration. He is no doubt one of our finest and most loyal." Hinata said, paying no need to Sai's miming of the 'might oak.'

"Thank you, Hinata-" Kakashi started.

"But!" she said, "That's Dad's decision to make. Anyhow, you should rethink this Kakashi-san. Should you participate, this won't be your most prudent choice."

Kakashi would have gaped, if not for his super-ninja skills. Are you serious? He wasn't expecting that. Bureaucracy smelled like bullshit and currently, bullshit smelled like Hinata. Something like firecrackers started up at the base of his spine. What right did she have to say that? Him? Not a good choice? Sure, Iruka and him had their fair share of arguments, but they had always resolved things like adults. They were close friends and damn it, Kakashi knew he could make Iruka happy. He knew his chunin and somewhere down the line, even when he lost it all, he never lost sight of that smile that smelled like sea salt and home. He had a chance now and there was no way he was going to let some _Hyuuga_ mess this up for him.

"List your reasons. You said I was loyal and dependable. Strong too. So where's the bad in that?" he said.

"How long have you loved him?" she asked, something like pity in her eyes.

"I don't see why that's pertinent. I-" her pupiless stare bore into him, lavender hues of regret and pity and unsaid _poor, poor man_ swirling about,

"A long time. Maybe since your first chunin exams." he finally said.

"Kakashi-sensei," she said, her hand folding over his own and Kakashi resisted the urge to pull away, "Over 10 years to make things work, to tell him, but Dad doesn't even know. Don't you think that if Dad were to engage in a relationship, that he deserves a partner who can meet him halfway, so that he doesn't have to reach every time? Someone who can give in a way that he can see and feel. You can't even read _I love you_ from a book, I've seen you skip lines when reading out loud in the mission room."

She continued, "You're a good man, Kakashi-sensei." _But not good enough._ She didn't say it, but she might as well have carved it into the Memorial Stone.

She was right. He knew that. He was shadow. Ninja. Always looking back, even when he was leaping forward. Paranoid man. He stayed in the dark, in the comfortable silence of blood and gore. He knew he was different than Iruka. Iruka was the first blossom of spring, breaking through the icy thaw. He was the crack of dawn that gently roused sleepy eyes awake. He was everything Kakashi wasn't, alive and colourful.

The most beautiful man.

Kakashi was scared of Iruka. Scared that he'd touch him and the red from his hands would stain the other man and Iruka wouldn't be the sun anymore. He'd fought an enemy ninja in a field of white camellias once. It wasn't white after the fight and there was a lesson here, somewhere buried under Kakashi's list of eccentricities that spanned a 4 mile radius. Ah, that's right, he remembered. Kakashi was bad. Too dangerous, too ninja for someone who was so alive.

He swallowed thickly. Maybe he could play this off. It wouldn't do to see Sharingan Kakashi bested by a few words. But then a chair toppled over and Sakura reminded him why she was his favourite student. No, not Sasuke, not Naruto, definitely not Sai. The last one was all Tenzo's. Sakura, because being strong meant being sent on _those_ missions and Sakura was the kind of girl who didn't have the heart for it but would soldier on anyway. She would protect and heal and help until she broke and Kakashi, in his youth, slammed the brakes hard and pressed the red button. He wouldn't teach her. He had seen it the second she started walking on trees. Expert chakra control partnered with a pretty face meant recon, assassination, and seduction. Tsunade came at a good time. A gambler with good timing, how ironic.

Sakura stood between him and Hinata and he couldn't see her eyes, but he was sure they were fierce. Her hand was shaking, he hadn't seen this since she asked him to look over Sarada. He had been surprised. Him? Godfather? He thought Sasuke would ask and he was fully prepared to decline. Not good with kids, you know.

But this was Sakura. A pink haired new mother who could punch him to Suna, still stuttering her way through the request. Of course, he had to say yes. It was his favourite student, who turned out better than he could ever ask for. It was one of the few wins in his life because the diamond on her forehead and that left hook made her infamous. Not fit for those missions. Plus, Sarada looked just like her, just with dark hair and eyes. It was easy to love the little girl.

"I don't see why Kakashi-sensei should be spoken to like that." he could hear her grit out each word, "So he's a little late on the game plan. So what? If I remember correctly, it took you years before you could even say hi to Naruto without fainting."

Hinata may have said something in protest, but Sakura got louder, "A decade is nothing compared to the time it took the two of you to get together. It took me and Sasuke roughly the same time. Things happen, people fight one another, people fight themselves. It's not about the time it takes or how much we've failed. He can still do it. I believe in Kakashi."

There was a silence. A thick tension hung between the two kunoichis and a hand landed on top of Sakura's head, ruffling her hair gently.

"Maa, that's a good speech Sakura. Are you gunning for Naruto's job?" he gave her his signature eye crinkle.

To Hinata, he said, "I don't know if I can do it. But I'm going to try and if the words come out right let's see what Iruka says. I'm going to try to prove you wrong, Hinata-chan. Wish me luck."

Sakura deflated, the tension leaving her drained, "Sorry Hinata, I wasn't thinking. I didn't mean to say those things, but you can't talk about Kakashi-sensei like that. He'll be good for Iruka-sensei. I can vouch on that."

"It's okay. I don't agree with this whole scheme, but I'm willing to see how this goes."

The women hugged and the dinner, now cold, began as warmly as it always was with Team Seven's monthly feast.

Nearing the end of dinner, Ino asked Hinata, if she had to choose one person to nominate, who'd it be. The Hyuuga tried to deflect, but even Naruto wanted to know.

"Hana." she finally said.

The Inuzuka? Damn. Kakashi frowned. Hana had the right kind of equipment for the thing Hiashi was planning. But she was an Inuzuka so they were tied at 1 - 1. But what if Iruka liked that sort of thing? Gosh, had they never talked about this before. He didn't even know if Iruka liked girls or boys or if he didn't care or what if he didn't like in that way at all? Tenzou, he could handle. He wasn't sempai for nothing. As far as he was concerned, mighty oak, my ass. Sai's been looking under a guise of water. It was physics, a goldfish became koi. Kakashi snickered.

Now that he thought about it, there was going to be tough competition. Kakashi liked competition, but not when they were all gunning for his sensei. He would have to consult for dating advice and he didn't know anyone that would be a good mentor. Sakura was going to help him, that was a given, but her and lemon-boy had this weird sort of partnership that worked for them and them only. Kakashi didn't think he could go months without seeing Iruka. Hell, he had the man's schedule timed to the hour. He could see Iruka whenever, not that the principal knew about his hobby.

Hopefully, he never knew about it.

Iruka caught him staring into the classroom window once. The result wasn't pretty.

So who could he ask? Oh god, he resisted the urge to groan once he realized who the only ninja in the entire village that had the sort of lovey-dovey, open-communication, affectionate sort of relationship he wanted for him and Iruka. Shiiiit.

The guests left all at once, each thanking Sakura and Sasuke for hosting except for Ino who thanked herself and Hinata for pulling the team's weight. Ino waved goodbye to her best friend, signalling the words 5-head to Sakura (who was oinking) for good fun. She and Sai walked down the street before they ducked into an alley way.

"I'll send a rat into the office and sign Yamato-taichou up." Sai said.

"No." Ino replied.

Sai looked at his wife quizzically, "But I thought we wanted to get him on The List?"

"We did, honey. But don't you think Hinata's got a point?"

"We can't pull out. Iruka-sensei's made to be a family man." the artist said.

"We're going to get Yamato and Iruka-sensei together, Sai." Ino looped her arms around his neck, pulling him close enough to smell ink and jasmine scented parchment.

"Iruka-sensei's probably fed up with people trying to dictate who he goes out with, so let's set this up the right way. Even if it goes south, which it won't, we won't have that famous temper to deal with." she smiled into the dip of his collarbone.

Sai slipped his hands around her midriff and Ino gasped from the cold touch. His fingers were chilled by the night air. He pressed his lips against her temple and reached lower to kiss her ear. Teeth nipped at her earlobe and Sai toyed with the flesh.

"What do you think about us going south?" he murmured.

Ino grinned, showing too much teeth. Temari wouldn't mind if they came back later. Maybe they'll pick up Inojin tomorrow.

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Ohhhhhh so what's gonna happen next? And who's the mystery ninja Kakashi's going to ask to mentor him in lovey-dovey relationships? Why is he dreading it? WILL THERE BE AN OC? WHO KNOWS. Stay tuned!

P.S. This is a rather light hearted fic that hopefully provides you with some laughs. OOC-ness and crackish with mild-AU. :) See you all next time!


	3. Chapter 3

Don't own Naruto, Boruto, anything related to this brand. Get ready for some stoopid sannin shenanigans and a Shy! Kakashi. ;)

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Chapter 3: To Grow a Forest, One Needs to Plant a Seed

Yamato was having a great day. Not just good, but great. The sun smiled down on him, the flowers waved hello, Orochimaru was out of his head gear for the day. The sannin had come into town for 'research.' He clearly borrowed that one from the late toad sage. When they arrived into the heart of the village, where the central market bisected Hospital Road, Tsunade appeared with two bottles of tequila tucked underneath her arms and another two in her hands.

"Cuatro cervezas, Orochi!" she greeted, then whispering louder than she would have if she were sober, "You got the goods?"

"Those aren't beers, Tsunade." the long haired man replied.

He took 2 bottles from her and shoved them into his tote. Then, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a packet of light yellow powder. Crystalline but oily in its medium, Yamato tensed. His muscles pulled taut against the heavy fabric of his flak jacket but a tattooed arm stopped him from lunging.

The ANBU signed, 'Not poison.'

He looked at the masked ninja quizzically. Another ANBU, perched beside the first on the same branch signed an explanation.

'Hangover cure. One dose while drinking, one in the morning.'

Wow. This explained why Tsunade had been so insistent in checking up on Orochimaru's research notes over the last couple of months. Yamato thought the snake sannin was up to no good again - International drug ring, anyone? But no, just hangover cures for two old biddy-biddys.

'Captain. Off duty. We have ten ANBU with Tsunade-sama.' the ANBU signed and Yamato nodded. Free vacation, he'd be an idiot to stick around any longer. He took a look at the rest of the Team. There were 2 rookies but the rest were senior staff. They could do without him.

'Cat off too?' he signed and they nodded.

There was a flare of chakra outside on her porch before the knock at the door. It was standard ANBU procedure; it was never wise to sneak up on ninja. Yugao appreciated the sentiment, Yamato was considerate, unlike her previous captain. Kakashi used to just pop in through her window and trade his blunt and dirty kunai for her freshly cleaned and sharpened ones back when she worked for him. Heat creeped under her skin just from thinking about it. He was a good captain, took care of them, minimized harm for the team, but his social skills were lacking.

She complained about this to Ibiki one time and both men told her that sensory type ninja shouldn't need the warning flare to know someone else was on scene. Hayate had thrown a fit that time, accentuated with coughs and dark circles so Ibiki wrote up the Copy Ninja for breaking and entering. Which, in a ninja village, was equivalent to a parking ticket on private property. You couldn't even chase them down for the money. But her boyfriend had coughed onto Kakashi's mask and that look of horror and disgust was oh so satisfying.

"Captain," she said as she stepped to the side of her doorway, giving Yamato enough room to squeeze past.

He toed off his sandals, making sure not to move anything out of place and sat at the table. ANBU were peculiar about the peculiars. Strange folk, Yamato was always a bit on the odds with the rest of them, but the purple haired ninja was more normal than the rest so they got along well.

"Earl grey with lemon?"

Yamato chuckled, "Yes, of course. You know me so well."

"Like the back of my hand."

"I think that's senpai's territory."

The two locked eyes and in the comfort of the home, away from their fellow nin, the two ANBU dissolved into a fit of giggles.

Yugao snorted, spilling the sugar on the counter, "It was his fault! I mean, who does that?"

"I still can't believe he fucking - oh my god!" Yamato coughed hard into his hand, still snickering.

"And he called it - "

"It was just a kancho!"

"Like is he twelve?! Gods-"

"Thousand Years of Death, my ass!"

"Not your ass - "

"Poor Hayate!"

Yamato sombered up, laughter disappearing from the lines on his face. He held up his teacup to Yugao and nodded, "To Hayate, an amazing ninja and a good friend."

She mirrored the action and said, "To Hayate, the best boyfriend I've ever had. And to Kakashi, may my slap echo into his future generations."

And with that both adults began their laughter again.

Sometime later but not yet evening, when the tea set had been put away and both were pigging out on a bag of chips flavoured with spices from Suna, Yamato ventured onto nervous territory. He hoped his friend wouldn't take this the wrong way.

"Seriously though, how long has it been since your last relationship? Not that you need a man or anything. You're the most independent and strong women I know." he tacked on the last part quickly.

"What about Tsunade? Or Kurenai?" she responded.

He shrugged, "You're deflecting."

"I've been on a couple of dates here and there, but it's just not the same. I don't think I'll be able to find that spark you know? With Hayate, it was like I saw him and there was lightning in a bottle."

She shook her head, "I don't know Yamato. It's just hard. And I don't cry over him anymore, but sometimes, I think about him and… maybe I won't be able to ever stop grieving."

"The chances of getting struck by lightning twice are very small. Almost impossible, but maybe it's different when you're as old as we are. Maybe love isn't fanfare and fireworks. Maybe it takes a bit more time, but it's probably just as lovely. I wouldn't know though." he said.

She regarded him like she knew something he didn't. Then she said, "I've got a date coming up. I don't know when, but the Hokage's assistants are supposed to send out the mail with a date and time soon."

"Is that another way of saying seduction mission or am I missing something?"

"Kind of? You know The List? Went public yesterday so I thought why not? I'm one hell of a kunoichi and Iruka's the best candidate in all for Fire Country for husband material."

"Iruka? The chunnin? I've been out of town. You know, with Orochimaru and all that. What's The List?"

"Yea, that's the one - the principal. Hyuuga Hiashi wants him to get married and have kids so he put out a mission request to the elders. I think he just wants to lock down more children to coddle. You've seen him with Boruto and Himawari right? Guy wasn't the best father and now he's overcompensating, I think."

"Oh man." Yamato groaned into his hands, rubbing chip grease onto his cheeks.

"What?"

Everything made sense now.

"Sai was asking me about Iruka the other day. I might be on The List. And dang, Hiashi, that old bat, went straight to the elders?" he gave a low whistle in memoriam of Iruka's free will.

Yugao paused, chip halfway in between painted lips, "And you're worried because I'm competition or because you don't want this?"

"I don't know if I'm interested in him. He's certainly not interested in me."

"Oh." then, "Why not? Anyway you can just decline the invitation when it comes."

"I can't decline it. If word gets out that I've declined a date with our much loved Iruka-sensei, our hokage will kill me. Hell, the village might kill me. I would like not be rasenganed to death, thank you very much."

She poked his arm, "But why aren't you interested? And why do you think he's not? Iruka's -" her voice lowered to a whisper like it was a secret although it clearly wasn't, not with The List spanning several scrolls, "Iruka-sensei's hot."

He swatted at her hands, "I know, and I'm boring. He's a cinnamon roll and I'm a bagel. I'm not even toasted much less with butter."

Yugao pulled back. So Yamato could be ANBU. The village called them the lost ones. Ibiki called them his soldiers. Kakashi didn't call them at all. Naruto was better, but he was young and didn't have it in him to understand. Yamato earned his respects, she thought. Everyone knew that. But seriously? A bagel? Untoasted? No butter? Come on now.

"Might I remind you that you're the only wood-style user in all of Konoha? You're practically related to the First, Second, and Tsunade. With that criteria, you're at least a PB and J if not a full chicken and waffles."

Yamato shrugged and poured the rest of the chip crumbs into his mouth, "Firstly, that's not how it works. Second, it doesn't matter, I'm don't going to be interested and set myself up for failure."

"But you're not interested for the wrong reasons." Then, "Is it because he's a guy?"

Yamato shrugged again. It didn't matter to him whether his future partner was male or female. They just had to have the right chemistry and they had to be a good person. Nothing flashy like Kakashi, but nothing too civilian like Ayame from the ramen shop. Just normal. A nice, normal ninja. They had to be ninja, to understand he wouldn't be home for extended periods, that sometimes he'd lie outside on the balcony all ripped up and blood down his lip waiting for his partner to take him in. Never to the hospital, that's where ninja went to die. There and in war.

He wouldn't date another ANBU, but jounin or chunin was good. Maybe a desk ninja. Those were safe. They didn't go out on dangerous missions and Yamato didn't have to worry about getting notifications in the middle of the night from the hawks.

Death Hawks, they called them. Birds with a scrap of paper attached to their leg with the words We regret to inform you that…. And that was how ninja found out about the deaths of their loved ones. A couple words scribbled on scrap paper because mission specifics were classified so you'd probably never know where, or how it happened. Couldn't even hunt down the bastards who done it. Not that it was their fault. They were on the other side, doing what their higher ups thought was right. Just war. It was the same with Leaf but wrong and right and thinking about it made Yamato's head hurt. This is why he couldn't be Commander. The pay increase wasn't worth the nightmares. At least as a Captain, he could distance, separate, compartmentalize what it meant to be ninja and what it meant to be Yamato. To feel Yamato, to live it.

It was late and even when he said goodnight to Yugao, even when he went to take watch over a drunk Orochimaru (who took Tsunade's bed while she passed out on the floor, mind you), the wood nin didn't quite realize who fit his ideal partner criterion.

 **Earlier in the day:**

Tsunade snickered into Orochimaru's sleeve, all the whilst using it to wipe her mouth, wet from tequila. He made her waterfall it. After all these years, he was still a germaphobe.

I don't want to touch anything your mouth has been on. He had said. She snorted and reminded him of that time. He told her he wished he could forget, but the hospital refused his petition for the memory wiping jutsu procedure.

He turned to her suddenly, "You wouldn't have had anything to do with that right?"

Tsunade blew a raspberry into his face, delighting in the droplets that sprayed onto pale skin and the narrowing of yellow eyes. She said, "You deserve it."

"Your Hokage asked me for something peculiar today." he said.

"Research?" she said, then reminded him, "He's your Hokage too."

Orochimaru took a sip out of his drink and his lips thinned more than was humanly possible at the way his counterpart took a swig from the bottle, alcohol running down her chin.

"In a way. He wants me to collaborate with you on something. I assume you know?"

" _What?_ He asked you first? _You_?!" Of all things, of course the slug princess would pick that to hone in on.

"Tsunade."

Thin fingers pinched her chin and pulled her head up so that her honey eyes were millimeters from his. They foreheads pressed against one another and Tsunade suppressed a shiver. Was Orochi always this cold? But in her current state, the most pressing question was still how his eyelashes were longer than hers. She felt rage and was assaulted with the need to plush his lashes off. Wipe off his makeup while she was at it. Let's see who looks younger then. Orochimaru knew what she was going to do and pulled away, but not before licking the tip of her nose - something she's always hated.

"Bastard!" the old lady shouted, her hands flying to wipe off saliva.

"He wanted to know if it were possible for men to become pregnant."

Tsunade blinked at him owlishly, nose-lick momentarily forgotten.

"Why?"

"I don't know, but Sasuke asked me the same thing."

"Oh shit."

Shit.

 _Shit_.

 _ **Shit**_!

Tsunade heaved, her breasts deflating as she breathed out. She was exhaling that hard. No, not Sakura. My God, Tsunade was going to kill him. Him and Sasuke both! Hell, she'd have to rush to get a piece of their flesh. Hiashi was going to want to kill them too. Iruka would probably give into a couple heavy punches before sorting them out. Naruto and Sasuke didn't deserve to be sorted out. FUCK, she was going to murder them.

Murder them dead.

Deader than dead.

What were they thinking? They were already married and settled with children! Couldn't they have fooled around 15 years prior?!

Orochimaru shifted to his left. Tsunade was emitting a deadly aura. His next words might make or break him. Sure, he could take her on, but defeating Tsunade while she was drunk seemed underhanded. He supposed he'd done worse - child experimentation, kidnapping, and murder topped his list. World domination remained somewhat noble in his books. Still, it wasn't right. If he wanted to hurt her, he would have done away with his childhood friend years ago when he found her old and wrinkly, about to pass, slugs abound. But he didn't. So he wouldn't.

"So are you interested in the research collaboration? I'm not particularly keen on fixing things that don't need fixing and Kabuto has a whole village of orphans up in the Northern sector of Konoha that are ready to be adopted…"

"FUCK NO." She grabbed his shoulders and dug her nails into the flesh like she was trenching out a ditch for bodies, "I'm going to kill them and you're going to help me."

"Who?"

"You're my ride or die, Orochi. Greater men have fallen before me. And those two are certainly lesser men."

"Who, Tsunade?"

"We have to start planning now. Use your brain, Orochimaru."

The snake sannin wanted to shrug off his ex-teammate's Grip of Death, but was sorely confused among the buzzing in his ears and the wetness down his back. Wait - why was his back wet? He looked behind him nervously to find rivets of blood dripping from where his skin met Tsunade's fingers. An ANBU poked their head in and nodded at him before sliding the door shut. No, you dumb fool! Get back in here. He tried to push at her elbows, they didn't budge and Tsunade looked sunburned by anger. He sighed. This was so undignified.

Then he headbutted her.

She released him, stupefied.

"Who are we talking about? I'll help, but no more ANBU in my lair. And fix my back, idiot princess."

"Those two idiots, that's who! Naruto and Sasuke! Who the fuck do they think they are? That damned eye-bastard, I'm going to gift his entrails to Sakura! And why the hell do you call it a lair!"

Ah. It made sense now.

"Tsunade, I don't think that's the case. Sasuke said he was asking for a friend."

"You idiot! That's what men always say! Remember when Jiraiya asked me about cup sizes? He said he was asking for you."

"I would never -"

"EXACTLY."

"Tsunade."

"And now they want little Uchiha-Uzumaki babies?"

"Tsunade."

"Not if I can help it!"

"Tsunade!"

"No way, Jose. Sorry Minato, but I've got to do the right thing."

"TSUNADE."

"WHAT?" she hollered in his face.

"Are you seriously thinking of assassinating the Hokage and his shadow over pure suspicion?"

"Well when you say it that way…" her shoulders slumped down.

"You need proof!"

She perked up, "That's right. Tomorrow. We gather proof tomorrow."

And Orochimaru nodded. He was going to have fun with this, but not too much fun. Naruto was a forgiving man, but age made him less gullible.

Raidou smacked Genma over the head for the upteenth time. That damn bandana brat was snickering at The List again. Raidou knew what he wanted. A betting ring, like Iruka's life was something to be bet on for shits and giggles. The vein on his forehead pulsed as Genma started the Couples Map. The Couples Map was straight out from the telly. The 2 jounin had recently finished a marathon on cop shows. There were no cops in Konoha, certainly not after the Uchiha incident, and until recently, there wasn't any cable. Nowadays, ninja had both the internet and TV.

Sprawled in front of Raidou was a bulletin board with names and strings attached to each one. It was a web and all the strings pointed inwards towards one name: Umino Iruka. There was a photo, three actually, of the tanned man. A picture of him in his youth, paler, wearing mesh under a loose white t-shirt. Another was him in his principal's uniform, eyes still as bright as the first picture, most likely taken from the beginning of the school year assembly. Raidou's finger stopped above the last one. His mouth hung agape.

"That's a lovely photo isn't it?" Genma leered over Raidou's shoulder.

The scarred jounin ripped the photo off the tack and spun to face the shorter man.

"Where'd you get this? Iruka's going to kill us." Raidou hissed.

"It'll be good marketing."

"He's going to _kill_ us." his hands began gesturing, one finger running across both their necks, "Like kill us, _kill us_. _**Kill us dead**_ if this photo gets out."

The senbon danced around in his mouth and Genma said, "I wasn't aware that killing could _not_ involve death. And, you took that line from Tsunade."

Raidou shook him, half hoping that the other would choke on his senbon. The photo needed to be destroyed. Burned. Desecrated. Chidori'd twice and pissed on by Kakashi's ninken. He shuddered, if the Academy's principal ever found them having this photo in their possession, he didn't want to think about it. Iruka was one hell of a chunin.

Still, he fingered the edge of the slightly yellowing photograph, not quite wanting to erase it from the face of this earth. It was a nice photo. More than nice actually. Those doe eyes looking up, watery and round. Rosy cheeks and parted lips. Adorable. He couldn't do it. Raidou pocketed the picture away despite Genma's protests. The senbon user definitely had photocopies. Well, as long as he didn't start selling them on the black market.

Iruka wasn't sure how to deal with the man in his office. The masked ninja had been pacing, then lounged over each of the couches, but according to him, they were either too hard or too soft, and Iruka wasn't in the mood to be playing house with Hatake Goldilocks. Finally, he threw his hands up.

He said, "Hatake! What do you want?"

"You!" Kakashi cheerfully replied, "I want you!"

Iruka stared at him and counted to ten. When that didn't work, he tried reciting the alphabet. When that didn't work, he smacked Kakashi on the back of his head.

"Be serious! What do you want from me?"

What did Kakashi want from Iruka. He wanted a lot of things. He wanted to be held, to be welcomed, to be take up space in Iruka's heart that could never be replaced. He wanted to carve out a little, no, a big hole all for himself, something that not even Naruto could weasel into. But he wanted Iruka to give him these things willingly, not when he'd asked for them, because the teacher would probably do that. If it meant helping Kakashi, he'd give an arm or a leg, a kidney or a liver. Maybe even his eyes. Kakashi frowned, he didn't want Iruka to love him out of obligation. He wanted their love to come about naturally.

"I wanted to know if you were gay." he finally said and promptly whipped out his orange book as a shield.

Strangely enough, the blows never came. He peered above the pages and Iruka looked as if he were deep in thought.

"I… I'm not sure," said Iruka, "I've never thought about it. Ninja don't live very long, so I just thought, what comes will. Anyway, this sort of questioning is for young people. I'm much too old to be exploring now, eh?" he gave him a small smile but his eyes looked sad.

Kakashi didn't want to make Iruka sad. Pocketing his book, he reached out and pulled the brunette's cheeks into a large grin. Iruka felt warm, his face heating up beneath Kakashi's palms. A blush dusted over that kissable scar and Kakashi pulled close enough to smell chalk and the scent of fresh baked cookies.

"Sorry." he said as he dropped his hands and stepped back.

"Were you trying to make me smile? It's alright Kakashi. You can ask about these things, it's not rude. You wouldn't have known otherwise." he was using his teacher tone.

Kakashi was used to the teacher voice. Iruka used it often with him, less so than before. He used it a lot when Kakashi was Rokudaime especially when he had to be taught the specifics on paperwork and on the traditions of ambassadorial meetings. He wanted to use the Sharingan to copy it all, but Iruka had protested against it vehemently. Every situation is different, just like how every fight is different. What the other person does will cause a reaction from us and so on and so forth. As Hokage, you need to know how to react correctly, not just by the book because nothing's by the book in politics. You've got to learn this on your own. He learned quickly, not because he was a genius, but because Iruka was a good teacher. He made it fun and in turn, Kakashi became even more besotted than before.

He loved him and sought after him like how flowers grew in the direction of the sun. He could feel it in his fingertips, Iruka's warmth always reached him, but it was a one way street. Kakashi wanted to give, to hold, to share. He didn't know if he would be enough.

They began simply, when they were just boys. It seemed like everything began and ended when he was just a boy. There was Minato-sensei and Obito. Rin, because he couldn't bear to lose her, but he lost her anyway. The boy at the vegetable stall who now ran the place with his wife and two kids. Only Iruka lasted. It was weird. Kakashi was always a peculiar case. He wasn't sure why everything passed over him, left him behind even when it seemed like he was leaving them behind. It was like there was a string attached to his core, jerking him forward away from his peers. At the same time, there was Iruka, strong and dependable, like fertile soil. Lightning always comes back to earth. Unknowing to him, Iruka kept Kakashi grounded.

He thought Iruka attractive the first time he met him. He was a child then, but Kakashi had no time for crushes and beautiful boys playing in the river bank. Iruka saved him. It was after Rin's death and the images of his hand through her chest, her heart cauterized to nothing, and the maddening chirping of birds haunted him.

He was nothing.

A pre-teen holding his father's blade, flat edge to the sky, sharp edge to his belly. But then Iruka appeared, all snotty and covered in dirt. He kicked a pebble into the water and ended up hitting his foot against the rock behind it. He yelped and clutched his toes. It was cute, really. Cute, even with the tanto pressing a thin red line into his skin. Cute and funny and completely alive. Iruka was like a young child's colouring book - the shades of the rainbow spilling out of the line.

Kakashi put away the blade and hopped down to check if the foot was broken. It wasn't. Iruka thanked him and asked for his name and told him his sword was cool. Kakashi found the whole thing ironic. Because Kakashi was a backwards boy who read Icha Icha from the end to the beginning, who ran before he learned to walk, who was a soldier before a child, he kissed Iruka before knowing his name. He tasted like seawater, warm and wet and salty, and had he not been his paradise boy, the taste would have reminded Kakashi of less pleasant things. They had stood in shocked silence before Kakashi felt all too much and ran away. He didn't see him until years later when the newly admitted academy teacher stole a spot on his favourite bench hung up by his feelings regarding Naruto and the fox.

Iruka continued to be just as lovely as when he first saw him. Maybe even more as Kakashi grew to appreciate him in a never-ending ladder of affection. Nowadays, he dreamed about Iruka, about domesticity and a quiet life. Sakura and Sarada would come over and they would all bake together. It would be just the right amount of noise in the house. And some days Boruto and Himawari would hang out and Iruka's laughter would light up even the darkest corners in the Hatake compound. It would be loud, but comforting.

He sometimes had nightmares about the chunin. Wake up with his mouth open but no screams would come out of trained lungs - always silence silence silence. His sheets would be drenched and Mr. Ukki and the moon stared him in the eye. In those dreams, he'd be too late. A hair's breadth away from Mizuki or Pein. Just a second too late, watching the key to his happiness slip away from his fingers, blooming poppies on his body before the man rolled his head, glassy eyes looking up - burning two holes where Kakashi's eyes were, because he didn't deserve them, not Obito's twice over, not even his parents'.

Kakashi straightened up suddenly, his lean form running from his regular slouched posture. His hands were still outstretched in front of him and he jammed them into his pants' pockets.

"I have to go." He announced and disappeared into a swirl of leaves.

Iruka scratched the side of his nose, confused at what just happened. But Kakashi was Kakashi and their Rokudaime was a weird one. He often reminded Iruka of the child at the back of the room, the only one who didn't get chocolates on Valentine's Day. The ones who tried with wild daisies picked from the roadside, wilted from holding them too tightly. And Iruka would thank the little one for the flowers anyway and show them how to take care of the flowers, how to pot and seed and sow a garden. He was a teacher in every sense of the word and he'd fight to keep his kids safe. Iruka chuckled and found his fingers pressed to his lips. This wouldn't be the first time Kakashi ran away from him.

"Kakashi-sensei, you did not mess up." Sakura said again, setting out yet another plate of cold cut sandwiches. She found herself making more of these recently, after Konohamaru decided that the team can't be imposing on the Hokage's home as much anymore. Moegi accused the mission desk ninja of nepotism when her team got another D-rank while Konohamaru's had their first C. Hinata was much better at playing hostess.

"What if he hates me? I shouldn't have asked." the silver haired man groaned into the table.

"Oh come on. Iruka-sensei said you could ask. Besides, I don't think Iruka-sensei would be able to hate anyone."

Kakashi looked up from his position, "Yea, but I'm a ninja. I was the Hokage, I should have done reconnaissance. Sakura, that's my specialty!"

His one eye peered at her pitifully, slightly watery around the edges. He had crow's feet at times like this, his fountain of youth running dry from romantic pressure. Sakura ran her hand through his hair, mentally noting to ask Sarada to bring over some conditioner for her favourite Kaka-jii. She pressed his face back down onto the table. It was easier to speak to him this way.

"What's done is done and it's not even that big of a deal. Your second step is to woo him, before the dates get sorted and Shikamaru mails out the invitations." she said.

"I have to see mini-Gai first." he mumbled, her hand still holding his face flat onto the wooden surface.

"Lee?" she asked.

He nodded, "He's got a nice family, doesn't he?"

Sakura pulled his face back up, ignoring the man's painful protests. Why were all her boys so whiny? Sakura-chan, Sasuke's being mean to me and I'm the Hokage! Sakura, Naruto's an idiot, I can't believe he's my boss. Sakura, I'm going to lose my haiiir.

"But why Lee? You've got Naruto and I to model house after," she paused, "Well, Sasuke's absent most of the time, but Hinata and Naruto's got that picket fence stuff going on."

"4 generations of healthy relationships and the most recognizable family crest in Konoha, Sakura."

She thought about it for a moment then sat down and nodded, "Mind if I join?"

And that was how they arrived at the Might-Lee Manor, voted as Homeowner's Best for the past 6 years. Sakura rushed Kakashi onto the porch, away from where Gai was practising balance on the water over by the decorative pond. His wheelchair glowed blue with chakra; he didn't see them and both student and pupil breathed a collective sigh of relief.

The young boy behind the door looked at them thoughtfully.

"Metal-kun, could you let us in? We're here to talk to Lee." Sakura asked.

He murmured something that sounded like challenge, ogling at Kakashi. If he concentrated any harder, the man thought his eyes would pop out.

"Come again?" Sakura said.

Metal Lee flushed red and bellowed, "I CHALLENGE YOU ROKUDAIME!"

"My Eternal Rival, so Kind and Thoughtful of you to join me on this Sunny and Brilliant Day!"

Fuck, they had attracted _entire_ family.

"I see you have met my Youthful God-Grandson, Metal Lee. And how Hip and Cool of you to indulge him in such a Dazzling and Prime Activity! I shall be your equally Hip Referee for the Challenge or I will roll 500 laps around our Noble and Beloved Konoha!"

Kakashi gripped onto Sakura's arm, one eye pleading. She gripped back, two eyes begging him to do something. She could smash the house and they could bolt, but she didn't have the money for the reparations. Maybe Kakashi-sensei could foot it? She wiggled her eyebrows at him, hoping the silver haired nin would understand. That damn bastard was hiding behind his book! Inner Sakura flared up. Screw the Rokudaime. She'd rig him up by his toenails and display him as the hospital's new centerpiece. She tightened her grip on his arm, about to fling him to Sand country when a scroll smacked Kakashi in the face. Sakura stifled a giggle, this was too much like the first time she'd met him. Chalk dust matching his hair. Hopefully, there'd be more of that once Team 7 minus Sai and Yamato's plan went through.

"Kakashi-sama! Don't read that sort of this here!" Tenten said, pulling the book away from the ex-Hokage and tossing it into the pond. Kakashi's eye watched it soar into the water and just like the water, his eye became large, round, and wet.

"That was the first edition." he said.

"Bull. The first edition is in the classic orange. That one had the fourth edition's blood orange cover. I would know, I sold it to you the other day." she snorted. In Neji's late memory, she and Lee had expanded her weapon's shop to include a small book section where all profits were donated to the Free Birds Association - a charity aiming to grant wishes to underprivileged children in Konoha.

Kakashi blinked the moisture away. Curse himself and his good philanthropy.

"Anyway," Tenten continued, "You're here to see Lee right? He's out on a mission in Sand. The Kazekage wants to implement a basic self-defence program with civilian women who live in the rural parts of Sand. Recently, there's been some incidences with robbers and gangs along the border."

She picked up a scroll, the one she threw earlier, and waved it at the guests, "He left me a list of house-sitting chores. I'm doing this for free, couldn't he have made it easier? Metal," she handed the scroll to the boy, "Stop bothering Sakura and Kakashi-sama. Do this list of chores by sundown today. Think of it as super deluxe Auntie Tenten training."

Metal blinked at her, trying to decide if he was being tricked or not. Then Gai snatched the scroll and said, "What a Mighty Fine List. It breathes Unbridled Joy and Passionate Heat into my Still-Youthful Body to be completing such Rigourous Training! If I don't finish this list before Metal does, I will climb the Great Hokage Faces with only my pinkies!"

"Ah!" Metal gasped, "Of course! A challenge! Thank you Auntie Tenten. Grandpa Gai, I accept your challenge!"

Gai struck his signature good guy pose to a relieved Tenten before dashing off. It should be impossible for men in wheelchairs to move that fast. On cue, Tenten said, "You know he's competing in next Village Games?"

"The Paragames?" Sakura asked, taking her shoes off as she entered the home.

"Both the Paragames and the main ones," Tenten called from the kitchen, "He wants to be the first to sweep all the medals. Greedy old men, eh?"

Sakura laughed, "Sure are." she pulled Kakashi close to her. She said quietly through clenched teeth, "I'm going to get you back. Don't forget it." He shuddered. He wanted to take Sarada out fishing this weekend, but Sakura was most likely going to make him do celebrity appearances at the hospital instead. He mentally sobbed.

They sat at the table and Tenten arrived with the tea and sweets. Green tea to match green cups and green pickled plums. Oh God, Kakashi was going to vomit and that was going to be green too. Sakura, on the other hand was sitting pretty with a smile on her face and a cup in her hand. Curse those hospital workers and their immunity to the disgusting.

"Are you here about The List?" Tenten asked.

"How'd you guess?" Sakura said.

The weapons master shrugged, "It was front page on the Konoha Times." she tossed the newspaper to the other woman.

"Rokudaime seeks the Headmaster's Affection." Sakura read, she continued, "Citizens of Konoha were visibly distraught this Monday morning after Hatake Kakashi, former Hokage's, name was found on The List."

"What?" Kakashi breathed, taking the newspaper away from his former pupil. There were a couple photos of him with various female dignitaries splashed across the page.

 _Teuchi, the first generation of Ichiraku Ramen, when asked for his opinion on the List had this to say about the Rokudaime, "He's not good for Iruka-sensei. He's even late to get take out. What kind of a man eats soggy, cold ramen?"_

 _Teuchi is not the only person in Konoha to share those sentiments. Even fellow ex-ANBU Shiranui Genma had this to say, "I think that Iruka would be good for Kakashi, but I'm not sure if it'll be the same the other way around. Don't get me wrong, Kakashi's a good leader, but a romantic partner's a whole different ballgame."_

Kakashi sputtered behind his mask. That Shiranui!

 _Even two of his former pupils commented. Sai, a Konoha philanthropist that recently raised over 1 million dollars for the Konoha Community Centre to foster young creative minds by auctioning his art to the Lords of Fire Country, said, "I wish Kakashi-san all the best, but he's even more awkward than me isn't he? I'm sure applying for The List isn't going to get him in Iruka's good books."_

 _Uchiha Sasuke was quoted to say, "Hn." We at the Konoha Times thinks that speaks volumes._

Kakashi tossed the paper onto the coffee table. "This is preposterous!" he said, "They can't be serious. And your husband, how could he?!" he turned to Sakura. Sakura stared at the paper. What was Sasuke thinking? He should know that the "Classic Uchiha ™" never translated well in print. She already told that bloody bastard to not send emails with "hn." Just don't send them at all! And Sai, it was clear that he was scripted to say that. She was going to kill Ino. Later. RIght now, she had to console the idiot that was their previous Hokage.

Kakashi buried his face into his palms which would have been more significant had he not been wearing his mask. The pinkette rubbed his back and cooed at the man. It'll be alright. Iruka-sensei probably doesn't read these sorts of gossipy newspapers anyway. And shame of them for publishing such slander. You're not like that at all. No, not awkward, not in the least. She winked at Tenten.

Tenten sighed, "Look, we'll help you. Lee, Gai-sensei, and I. We've got your backs," she pulled out a scroll and unfurled it to reveal an incricate step by step plan (green ink, Sakura noted with black mixed in. An exact ratio of ⅔ with diagrams. It was titled: _Kakashi's Youthful Pursuit_. Italics. Fancy-smancy, no wonder they kept winning all the home reno magazine prizes. She continued, "First, you need to make it clear to Iruka-sensei that you weren't aware you were put on The List. Second, you have to make sure he knows that even though that's the case, you're up for a date."

"Too late." Kakashi said from behind his fingers.

Sakura added, "He asked if Iruka-sensei's gay. It's clear that he was in the know."

"Oh. Um. Well then." the other woman frowned, "I'll cut to the chase then. Lee's best advice, which happens to be Gai-sensei's father's best advice too is: Be honest and respect each other's boundaries. I'm sure you'll be fine with the first part Kakashi-sama. It's the second that I'm worried about. We all know you goaded Iruka-sensei at the Rookie Nine's chunin exams and then again when he got the Academy Principal nomination. You're just… kind of an asshole, Kakashi-sama."

"No offence." she quickly added and Sakura wanted to tell her that you can't tack on a No Offense like that solves all offence because hell yeah, offence taken. But she couldn't, because Tenten was right and Kakashi-sensei was kind of a jerk sometimes. He didn't often mean for it to come out that way, but at times, it just did.

"Oh yea," Tenten brightened up and pulled out another scroll, "Temari's secretly rooting for you two as well. She swiped this from Shikamaru. You know that man runs around taking orders from hot headed blondes. I think he's got a thing for it. Ino, Naruto, and then Temari herself."

"What is it?" Sakura asked.

"I don't know how Shikamaru got it, but it's a list of all of Iruka-sensei's favourite things including date and gift ideas. I took a peek, it's mainly volunteering for charities or spin class. He likes pottery and spelunking too. His favourite thing however, if a free day pass. No work, no kids, no anyone. Just a rest day to himself."

Sakura nodded, "Thank you Tenten. I'm assuming Ino's got this as well if Shikamaru has it. Iruka-sensei sounds like an overworked mother." she laughed.

"Well you know, Naruto is Hokage and Iruka-sensei disapproves when Hinata has to take on all the responsibilities of the house so… he takes care of Boruto and Himawari along with…"

"Academy duty and desk duties." Kakashi finished. Iruka did a lot for the village. It was something he'd tried to change when he was Hokage, only to be met with the wrath of the Desk ninja, the Academy teachers, and the Elders. They were hell bent on Iruka serving his sentence (because that's really what it was - a workaholic's dream, a regular person's nightmare) with Konoha. Iruka was happy to take more on or at least, he seemed to be. You could never really tell with Iruka. He was honest and straightforward but he was still ninja. They all wore masks sometimes, Kakashi had his cloth, Tsunade had her youth, Sasuke had his stupid-ass hair, and Iruka… well Iruka had his smile. His trademarked 'How can I help you?' retail, food service, clientele look.

"Well, thank you again Tenten. We still on for Friday?" Sakura said as she stood up, pulling Kakashi by the arm.

The other woman shook her head, "No problem and yes. Lee's back that day and the date schedule will be out too. We'll iron out the details then. Just so you know, Shiranui has started a betting ring, so watch out for people who suddenly want to 'help.'"

Sakura nodded, her old teacher was paranoid enough for the both of them. He didn't need any more disturbances. In many ways, she was less of Tsunade's prodigy as she was her exact replica. Sakura subscribed to the philosophy that some boys needed to be X'd out. Removed from the situation. Time out supreme. The senbon toting man landed on her personal List. A lot different from Iruka's List, but just as important. She'd get him soon enough, after Kakashi did some 'volunteering' at the pediatric wing this weekend. Sakura never forgets.

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That's all for Chapter 3! Hope you liked it. It's longer than the previous 2 because I think I may have missed a month? Can't remember off the top of my head. Let me know if y'all are ready for Tsunade's grand plan! Will Kakashi be successful in winning Iruka's love? Can Yamato see the LIGHT? Does Iruka even give a flying crap about these Big Bois TM? WHO KNOWS. Tune in next month for Chapter 5.


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